"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
- Marcel Pagnol
My best friend had a little girl last week!
His life will never, ever be the same.
Just think about what he had to face!
Adam had to open his soul - all the way - for that little arrival.
I needed to make a few changes myself -
[Hm ... it feels a little strange, writing about this baby's effect on my life.
And to write about it here, especially ... in a forum that maybe only Adam himself really reads ...
Yeah, strange.
But she had an effect.
Nearly no effect at all, when compared to the impact she's had on her parents -
But she did change me - and I want to express that. :)]
I, too, needed to open my soul (if only a crack).
And I needed to remember how to be a friend to a kid. :D
But her biggest impact on me?
I needed to let go of my friendship ... with Adam.
Oh, he's still my best friend.
And I like to think that I'm still his.
But I'm no longer a priority, you see.
An absentee best friend to a father is really more of an accessory. :S
You know, I was REALLY close to my middle school friends.
I've heard it said that a family is a circle of love.
If that's true, then that's what we were. A family.
[Ours was a brotherly, rough-housing kind of love.]
But we had to graduate. We had to seperate.
We had to move on.
And we all grew for it!
I found another group of friends. I found for myself ANOTHER family. I got lucky.
But again, another graduation ...
That's what Serah's birth was for me, really.
Adam was "going off to college".
Yeah. I'll still see him. Heck, maybe I'll even see MORE of him -
But our relationship will be weaker, won't it?
Stronger as brothers, maybe - for the sharing of the love of a child.
But weaker as friends.
This is NOT self-pity.
I'm happy for him.
Curiously, I'm happy for myself:
I don't think I need Adam's shoulder for support any longer -
My legs have healed.
I can walk, and soon I'll run -
I'm ready to look for my fourth (and final?) family.
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2 comments:
Zac-You do have a couple more that read your blog! :)
I can tell you are happy for Adam and Pam and their new addition but I have to disagree with you though about there being less love available now that Adam has become a Dad. People think the heart is limited in it's ability to love but what they don't realize is the heart expands to make room for more love. When it gets broken it heals and there is a depth available there that wasn't before.
It's like the movie How the Grinch stole Christmas-his heart had to grow, in fact it grew two sizes it was so full of love. When my first child was born my heart was so full I did not think it was possible to love more, then we added babies 2 and 3 there was even more room for them and my heart continues to expand for each of them. Today my heart has more depth and compassion than ever before.
You may see Adam as heading off to college as he moves into a different place in his life but the truth is he is probably able to care for you more and values your unique friendship on an even greater level. And while things are different and will never be the same it is a change that enables you to take a boyhood friendship into manhood with the potential of it reaping even greater dividends all because of the birth of his sweet baby. Watch and you will see his heart has grown.
Perhaps as you search for your next place in life you will find your heart growing as well and notice that the birth of this child does not push you out of the familial circle but only enlarges it.
To friendship that never ends just gets better with time- :) Noelle
Just having you share this experience with me, I think, strengthens our friendship.
To me, ever since our experience in St. Louis, you have been a friend and a brother. Being those two things at the same time special, and often rare. People can be brothers, and yet not friends. Or they can be friends, and not brothers.
We are both.
I want my daughter to know you, and love you as I do. And I hope to one day know and love your own personal family, your kids and wife as well.
We have a special friendship. Even not seeing each other for many years, and the changes those years brought about couldn't kill it.
My shoulder's always here when you need it. Heaven knows I'll still need yours when the going gets tough.
Anyways... I need to go... spit... :0)
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