Here there be humans.

Not much to update about.

I'm on track with my budget.

The whole two-jobs thing is taking its toll - but I'm still honored to have a future again.

I've paid my tuition and I'm ready for class. :D

Now if only some unseen body would just lay down a solution to the rubix cube that is my love life ...

And then offer up a woman like some sort of sacrifice ...

*walks away mumbling about dragons, knights and maidens fair

The Park Middle School posse.

Wow! What an excellent weekend!

Gavin and his awesome wife were in the Tri-Cities. And on the very weekend I'd already chosen to visit! What are the odds?

There were parties:

Party One was the much-anticipated Barnes & Noble release for the fifth book by Stephenie Meyers. I love the Twilight series. :D

But this party ... :S

I think Adam and I were the only older guys around. And none of the women were clearly over 18.

So we felt we had to leave ASAP.

We had to avoid what seemed like an inevitable accusation.

(Don't worry, I still got to buy New Dawn.)

Party Two was a family-friendly get together with a lot of Adam's friends.

They're a good group.

And there was food.

What else can you ask for? :)

This party was where we met up with Gavin and Deidre (the above-mentioned awesome).

Reunions are usually sort of terrible for me. It's always such a pain to explain my situation ... it's heart-breaking. Embarrassing.

But not this time! I'm finally back on track, after all.

It feels SO good to finally say "I have a plan".

"My next check pays tuition costs for Fall quarter!"

I'm telling everybody.

:D

I'll miss Gavin (until he gets back for Thanksgiving this November). His wife too.

Which, frankly, I find to be rather bizarre! I've spent, what, 6 or 7 hours with Gavin since middle school?

What right do I have to miss his company?

Gavin is a very lucky guy:

He's renting a 3-bedroom home. He's working at a job that uses his college degree. It pays well.

He didn't need to go and marry a pretty girl with a soul. That's just a slap in the face. :P

If wishes were fishes ... I would be your koi.

I'm having a really bad week.

It'd be difficult to explain ... and maybe it's better if I don't ... Suffice it to say:

An important piece of my past came calling.

I didn't answer.

And I don't know if I hurt someone.

I don't know if I wanted that.

I can't ... I need ...

*sigh

Life can be difficult sometimes.

Learning hurts.

Trained to swill. That's oldspeak for 'hit the bottle'.

So I was at a 'New Employee Orientation' all week this week.

It was ... boring. Very, very boring. Basically, I sat and doodled on my fingers for 32 hours.

But at least today's 8 were more enjoyable!

Today was all about self-defense - defense against a developmentally-disabled client in a state of crisis. We learned about how to deal with being bitten, with having our hair pulled, how to deflect punches ...

Keep in mind that you aren't ever allowed to hurt - or use a hold on - a client to 'make them behave'.

So, the stuff I've learned couldn't have much application in a bar-room brawl.

Anyways, I hardly ever make contact with DD clients as an accountant. There's a nice kid in our office once or twice a week, but that's about it. I seriously doubt that I'll ever witness a 'behavioral event'. (Not that I'd want to.)

Still ... a very fun day, all in all.

But one out of five is terrible. This week was a wash.

Reading for pleasure puts creases in your thoughts. It's just good laundry.

So I've been reading a series about the romance between a vampire and a human girl. The Twilight series? Ever heard of it?

It's very good. I'm not 100% sure what it is about the book I love the most.

The characters are enticing. The language is delicious. And the stories are intriguing. :D

But, you know ...

I think my favorite thing about the books is probably the very same thing that I find so embarrassing about them: the drama (the tons and tons of teenage-style drama).

This drama ... it speaks to me! It speaks to my personal romantic history (or lack-thereof).

Yes, world, I am Jacob.

I am the Phantom of the Opera.

...

Anyways, very good stuff. I recommend it.

(Just do yourself a favor and push through those first 80 pages. It gets retroactively awesome, trust me.

And yeah ... the symbolism is usually pretty obvious ...

But that doesn't negate the awesome of an understood allusion.! :))

My credit history. My work history. But not my browser history.

So here I am, feeling one hundred percent better now that I've been paid.

I'm a little embarrassed ... but maybe all I really needed was a reward for the 3 and a half weeks. Here I had myself worked up into a major existential quandary, and I mean one for the record books. But all I needed? Deep down?

A little cash for my trouble.

It's actually pretty hilarious, come to think about it.

So, anyways ...

I paid off a credit card! All of it. And guess what?

Somehow I managed to maintain a decent payment history! I'd have sworn differently just two days ago. :)

That means drinks are on me!

...

Well ... uh, not really.

I'm thinking maybe I pay for gas with it and then pay off that total at the end of the month? To build some ... I dunno, self-restraint? Decent-ish credit? I guess I don't really don't really know how that stuff works.

Anyways, I've spent the last few days locked in my room with nothing but Excel, a notebook and a couple-three of my favorite free credit reports.

I've been hammering away at a little financial plannery:

I can be debt-free by the end of October.

Holding my breath for a better life has got me blue.

My latest misadventures have been especially painful. I've lost everything I liked about myself:

I am now 100% dependent on my mother for lodging.

I am deep in debt and farther from school than I've ever been.

I am miles from the people I love to be around.

Bleh ...

I have a job now that can bail me out of all that ... but I'm having a hard time accepting the possibility. :( I'm not sure on why that is.

I haven't been over-the-top excited.

All of my plans lately are closer to dreams than to maps.

And I think I'm just waiting for that proverbial 'other shoe' to fall. Am I really worried about ending up worse than I am somehow? There isn't a good reason to expect that - is there?

:S

Thinking about it now ... I'm a pretty environmental person. I soak up the people I'm with like a sponge - and slowly mutate my point of view to match theirs.

And this place! This place is oppressive. It's a clear reminder of my less-than-happy childhood.

But mostly it's just that there are times it feels like nothing's changed.

Maybe all I need then is a new outlook and a new environment ... except that this job can really only bail me out on schedule if I stay where I am.

Anyone up for a vacation?

How about matricide?